I Magic

Spartan life of mine, lending magic to my words, they repay me unkindly, I think back of the life of friends past me, a history of revolutions, I Magic at the memories, sparking dangerous ambitions that would soon suffocate within my negatively mortgaged heart, quell, quelling, there is danger lurking in the repetition but I dare risk the carbon paper of my thoughts, why would anyone dare to risk so much creating where no one else will bother go, toiling building, building foundations that have no heart and song and dive, that connect not to the divisions, that link no chaining resolutions, that sing out of tune, that muster themselves incoherently together, cacophony is such an ugly word I don’t dare use it here, but it applies, you can’t buy originality, you can make yourself an original, it is a crime and a perversity to try, my sister Liz told me I was trying too hard, but what if I let go my grip, ahahahhahha… abysmal dreams collapse and fall me deep into their chasm, I only have to last with this mad dream a few more living years, then I am dead, then it won’t matter, hold on to your dreams son, just a little longer, let them last until you die, then let them fall apart, it won’t matter if what you envision only lives until you die, it wont matter you prodigious progeny of atrophy.

Drifting away from my stream so many alluring illusions, so many deceitful experiences, so many mysterious calls with no mystery, curiosity harboring all of my instincts, erring negativity, aberrant corrections, my soul weighted down by pounds of silver coins, I reinvent myself to many times and none of the inventions turn out to be me, gooey thick fingerings go, retreat to your sperm and smagma, the “s” is not silent but loud like the Mafia, crawl unevenly back into myself, a foreign land now, an unexplored territory, I know philosophy better than I know myself, I know how to fix god and a computer better than I know how to fix myself, the computer and god came with instructions, and I was never afraid of knowing or losing either ; I know the character of some politicians better than I know my own, even my friends I know better, I know how they want me to act, I don’t know how I want me to act; I don’t dare ask them who or what I am, I tell them, I Magic! I Magic!

Crawling unevenly into my magnificent limbo atrophied self, hey I didn’t know that I could read minds, and dance Salsa, and sing with the wind sweeping songs, swooshing wind and I; I did not know that my flesh was see through, that my bone marrow tasted so suckingly I Magic good, yummy, slurp, life is gentler inside of myself, whew no insurmountable mountains, you don’t have to climb the mountain if you are the mountain that you are climbing, fresh torrid air raining inspiration everywhere, yeah, I want to tunnel through Mt. I Magic now! Glorious, all this unknowns and yet I am not scared, the wolves that inhabit me I can subdue with sweet tender avalanches, jewels eroding from me everywhere, a loot of gold, I hoard it all; when you are the mountain where the gold makes its nest it does not weight you down, amazing that once I had dared travel outside of myself, amazing that at one time I found the world and you more fascinating than Mt. I Magic, amazing and perplexing. I tunnel deeper into myself, wow it is dark within but what I may not see I feel with greater clarity, and yet see things blinded by vision, wow a chasm jumps into me, I Magic, I witness Cyclops with three eyes, hey I am hearing myself rebelling in the hailing me blood makes as it curls and twists and rolls and sucks its way through my veins and arteries; I think the arteries are the ones that carry poisonous blood, harmlessly transported inside of me, purged from all my organs right smack into my heart, and I Magic swallowing with gluttonous desires, would hate for there to be a clogged artery that would prevent me from drinking my daily poisons, which inside my very heart I turn into life blood, filtering transfusions, here is some for my liver, some for my kidneys, some for my carnal desires, some for my muscular ambitions, I Magic!

RC